“Turbulence is life force. It is opportunity. Let’s love turbulence and use it for change.”
–Ramsey Clark
“This is your captain speaking; turbulence ahead”.
As we sink back below the clouds, a wave of anxiety slips over me. It would remain there for an entire week.
What am I doing? Where do I even begin? Where do I go, how will I get there, oh GOSH money goes quick here, I’m losing more pounds than the Biggest Loser. Prices are steep, especially with the holidaze fast approaching. What do I want to do, & am I good enough to make it happen? Am I enough? Nothing is happening yet I am in a panic. Sleeping stiff like a jigsaw puzzle, breathing uneven & thoughts scattered.
Foresight is a funny thing, and I thank previous Myrah for connecting to the Lemon Tree Trust. Lemon Tree is a grassroots organisation growing gardens in refugee camps in Kurdistan. A meeting in England had been arranged a month ago, and now serves as a blinking light guiding me through fog. Connecting with like-minded peers is encouraging and empowering. There is no greater motivator to me, than to meet incredible people who’s work I look up to. Like two colliding weather systems, energy is shared and create uplift and drive. Leaving the meeting made my dream seem more possible, and closer. In this frame of mind, I encounter another stranger-turned-friend by simply saying “hello” in the street. After an hour-long walk past community gardens together, I feel certain that I’ve come to the right place & met the right people.
En plus, in London I am lucky enough to have friends that believe in me. My dear friends Anne Lacy & Josh take care of me, remind me I’m safe, loved & HERE. With my two most basic needs taken care of (love & safety), I can think of the next two: lodging and transport.
The clouds lift for a moment: I will get a van (#vanlife).
The clouds return: how will I do that???
I do not have a plan. I don’t even have a clue. I’m so anxious it takes me days to make a decision. Web pages are thrown at me and advice is given in overwhelming amounts (shout out to all the car fact by Devon). All roads may lead to Rome, but all the cars seem to be in Berlin. Apps like Mobile.de, AutoScout24 & AutoTrader start to give me an idea of what to expect, but eventually it boils down to needing to go in person. How freeing it will be to have my own wheels, which could also be my home! I book a flight to Berlin without thinking twice.
I’ve finally entered into the flow of the unknown, past the cloud, turbulence & seat belt warning lights. The clouds part as I land in Berlin, and I can already feel myself shifting gears. Head spinning, my forward momentum has begun.
N.B: Sharing my experience with the anxiety of the unknown is not easy. I would like to dispel the assumption that travel has somehow become normal for me, or that of course I will figure it out. Let me assure you that I have no such certainty of my own; it is always easier to believe others can do it.
